This is for self. Lately...
This is for self. Lately....
(God is with me)
"I'm having conversations with myself about how I am really a strong individual and I'm recognizing this power so much in a lot of ways. The move I'm maneuvering, the way I'm uplifting my spirits, the way I smile. The way I carry on a laugh. The way people feel with my presence. To have a conversation with me. To see my heart is my muscle and you will really feel that shit.
God is so amazing at destructing things then making arrangements then destructing again until we realize things do not work in our favor all the time and that's the best part. You learn to fucking leave that thing alone. It took me so long to leave it alone. But I'm here and I'm leaving it alone and it feels amazing. To not have to pick. I don't have to answer to it. I'm just leaving it alone.
Releasing has never felt so good.
Throwing away baggage, stripping away. It feels good to shed.
God's grooming me, y'all.
I finally let go of something that I held on for years. I cherished it, I wanted it, I longed for it.
By the water I knew I was spiraling for a long time but I feel still now. I'm centered and I'm not spinning. Thank you for connecting with me in the most purest ways. It was your stillness.
Thank you for letting me be still.
I see things clearer now. Things don't make sense but they do and I learned to accept 2 things can be true.
And because of your absent mind I don't think you saw how this was coming. The tide was so high.. we were spiraling and now I'm at the shore. It feels good to breathe again. I'm above water now.
It took me so long to get here.. there's been times that I spent nights doubting and knowing what I felt was right. It was real inside... the way I denied myself for you. Show some respect... ain't nothing realer.
Standing today... I'm so thankful to have felt so many lows to know so many highs.
When you get high enough, you can dodge the raindrops.
How am I doing, God?
"You are so head-strong." To recognize it stopped because I said so. To walk away because I have the choice to. The freedom that comes with knowing you can make a choice. And it doesn't always have to hurt. And it doesn't always have to be about that other person. It can be about you. Because you deserve your flowers. I deserve my flowers.
I am well. I am more than well.
I think it is truly a beautiful thing to go over something a million times until you learn the lesson because sometimes.. THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES.
The epiphany that I had once it was all set in stone
I knew I was in the right place at the right time because it felt like fresh air. It felt clean. It felt light and it felt like "finally." This weight here is no longer available. I do not poke it or want to have access to this weight any longer, it is time. And that's exactly what happened... a lot of time went on that I am grateful to be in the space of remembering who the fuck I am. A lot of time went on that I had to sit within myself and ask questions and reflect because I missed so many marks but perhaps I was suppose to because it is an entire process you MUST go through to level up, the right way. And that's what I went through in the span of 5/6 years. A process. God gave me a challenge. It has hurt me, mislead me, confused me- it has made me feel betrayed and uneasy. It has made me cry. It caused anger and broken trust. It was beautiful. It was fun. It was "unconditional."
God is so real in me.
I thank you. I thank you for exposing me to see both sides of the spectrum. It gave me strength and it gave me a choice.
"Shayla, what do you want out of your life?" All it takes is one question. And that question changed my entire perspective.
It was that question that made me realize.... I want more? I deserve more. And in that moment I walked away and it was the greatest awakening I ever had. I'm so proud that I love and care enough for myself to walk away from something that no longer serves me... and it's truthfully no bad blood with anyone. It's all love but fuck you."
